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Based on Philosophical, Traditional (Hebrew, Christian, Islamic, Confucian, and Buddhist traditions, among others), Psychological and Developmental principles. Gleaned from a large survey of readings, professional dialogue, and stories of forgiveness written by volunteers.
1. What it is:
- Moral
- It is a response to an injustice (a moral wrong).
It is a turning to the "good" in the face of this wrongdoing.
- Goodwill
- Merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or revenge.
Generosity or offering good things such as: attention, time, remembrances on holidays.
- Moral Love or contributing to the betterment of the other.
- Paradoxical
- It is the foregoing of resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer's actions deserve it and giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer does not deserve them.
- As we give the gift of forgiveness we ourselves are healed.
- Beyond duty
- A freely chosen gift (rather than a grim obligation).
- The overcoming of wrongdoing with good.
2. What it is not:
- Forgetting/Denial
- Time passing/ignoring the effects of the wrongdoing.
- Condoning
- Nothing that bad happened. It was only this one time. It won't happen again.
- Excusing
- The person did this because.....it wasn't really their responsibility.
- Condemning
- She/he deserves to know they have wronged me.
- "Forgiving" with a sense of moral superiority.
- Seeking Justice or Compensation
- Forgiveness is not a quid pro quo deal--it doesn't demand compensation first.
3. Important Distinction:
- Forgiveness: One person's moral response to another's injustice
- Reconciliation: Two parties coming together in mutual respect
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